Seriously what is up?

[zenmondo]

Ok folks:


I am seriously wondering if I am really presenting myself falsly. It looks like we have an ...
Exhibit C.







So this fella i was trying my best to befriend and turn away from his depression turned out to be a Homophobic. Which means Not only is he a hate based simple-minded maufucka but it also means he'd never understand the huge crush i've developed on him.

SO zenmondo good-bye, yo. We hardly knew ye.
I wpon't bnother talking any more shit about this fella (unless he like continues to try and speak to me through e-mail) a jerk like this makes his own trouble. I hope your Akido is stronger than my Kung Fu, yo. 'cause i'm going to lose 250 pounds and start training a whole army or pink power rangers who use bullwhips and chromed throwing spikes and whup MUCH ASS!

I have also left his Community Jedi_Knerds.....this being the second SW community i have had to exit because of a Kracka ass kracka or an ass-hat I am considering opening up my own SW community. What do y'all think?
I like some of his rules and knerdy aceptance but i loath his personal ethics and need a community for everyone including gays and lesbians...but one that won't turn into a dating service for SW geeks and swingers. Someone give me a name. i'll start there. maybe photonex68 will co-mod with me???


Now this one makes me mad, because I didn't say ANYTHING ANYWHERE that even hinted at homophobia. Exhibit A, I can see what was taken and blown out of proportion, but this one has me at a loss.

I honestly do not know if he is joking or sincere, as I cannot read him at all. But this doesn't read as a joke at all with me.

This would be comical if read by those who actually fucking know me, but gods, I just can't stand the idea of being slandered by a net-acquaintence and have their assesment of my character believed by others.

So if jedi_maceao did indeed have a crush on me (it is possible given the way he has interacted with me) and I didn't reciprocate does not mean I do not dig guys, it means I do not dig jedi_maceo in a romantic fasion.

I also don't like how he feels he "had" to leave jedi_knerds because I am a "Kracka ass kracka or an ass-hat", no one asked him to do so.

I am not sure how I feel about being called a "Kracka ass kracka" by someone who is as it seems to me to be a fellow cracker, peckerwood, or whitey, what have you. <-- HUMOR. WIT. NOT A RACIST COMMENT. SARCASM. OFF THE CUFF COMMENT. DO NOT READ TOO MUCH INTO THIS. PLEASE. SERIOUSLY. SEE THIS IS ME BEING FUNNY. I AM A FUNNY GUY. HONEST. JUST ASK ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS ME IN REAL LIFE AND/OR INTERACTED ONLINE WITH MORE THAN THREE YEARS [deleted continuing joke here, because the wife was certain it would be taken wrong]

So now in all seriousness. Three points. Everything after this is NOT a joke, and is sincere, and true. I am trying to be CRYSTAL CLEAR in this since so much lately that I have been saying has been taken wrong.

1) I am not a homophobe. In fact, I think it would be real nice if I someday had a boyfriend, and think about such things just slightly less than often. Ofcourse never having had a romantic relationship with a guy, I have no idea how it would turn out, or if I really could swing it. I identify as Het, as that is my only experience, but am not adverse to the idea of transitioning to bi some day.

2) I am sincerely worried about jedi_maceo right now, and fear that he might be having some kind of episode and could use some support or help, or some time on his own to come down from it.

3) I do not see the 'net as an anonymous interaction, and I cannot divorce myself from what is said because "it is only the internet". Everything said is from a real, breathing, feeling person, and it is read by someone in the same condition. I have a genuine emotional reaction to what is said -- I do not see the net as a level of abstraction of fiction. A friend just gave some advice: "just ignore it," but I have to ask, could you ignore a slander yelled to your face in a crowded room? Or how about from a podium? It is hard to ignore.

I have often seen the net as a beautiful thing that has facilitated connection and interaction with people in a way never before possible -- and we are all people on the other side of the screen. I am not text. This text is a product of who I am. It represents me, but is not me. Some may call me over-sensitive, but I do not think I am the only one.

Comments

[misslynx.livejournal.com]

That's insane. I don't see how anyone who knows you at all could think you were homophobic. Not liking slash fiction doesn't make you homophobic - hell, a lot of gay men don't like it because it's written by straight people!