Seriously what is up?

[zenmondo]

Ok folks:


I am seriously wondering if I am really presenting myself falsly. It looks like we have an ...
Exhibit C.







So this fella i was trying my best to befriend and turn away from his depression turned out to be a Homophobic. Which means Not only is he a hate based simple-minded maufucka but it also means he'd never understand the huge crush i've developed on him.

SO zenmondo good-bye, yo. We hardly knew ye.
I wpon't bnother talking any more shit about this fella (unless he like continues to try and speak to me through e-mail) a jerk like this makes his own trouble. I hope your Akido is stronger than my Kung Fu, yo. 'cause i'm going to lose 250 pounds and start training a whole army or pink power rangers who use bullwhips and chromed throwing spikes and whup MUCH ASS!

I have also left his Community Jedi_Knerds.....this being the second SW community i have had to exit because of a Kracka ass kracka or an ass-hat I am considering opening up my own SW community. What do y'all think?
I like some of his rules and knerdy aceptance but i loath his personal ethics and need a community for everyone including gays and lesbians...but one that won't turn into a dating service for SW geeks and swingers. Someone give me a name. i'll start there. maybe photonex68 will co-mod with me???


Now this one makes me mad, because I didn't say ANYTHING ANYWHERE that even hinted at homophobia. Exhibit A, I can see what was taken and blown out of proportion, but this one has me at a loss.

I honestly do not know if he is joking or sincere, as I cannot read him at all. But this doesn't read as a joke at all with me.

This would be comical if read by those who actually fucking know me, but gods, I just can't stand the idea of being slandered by a net-acquaintence and have their assesment of my character believed by others.

So if jedi_maceao did indeed have a crush on me (it is possible given the way he has interacted with me) and I didn't reciprocate does not mean I do not dig guys, it means I do not dig jedi_maceo in a romantic fasion.

I also don't like how he feels he "had" to leave jedi_knerds because I am a "Kracka ass kracka or an ass-hat", no one asked him to do so.

I am not sure how I feel about being called a "Kracka ass kracka" by someone who is as it seems to me to be a fellow cracker, peckerwood, or whitey, what have you. <-- HUMOR. WIT. NOT A RACIST COMMENT. SARCASM. OFF THE CUFF COMMENT. DO NOT READ TOO MUCH INTO THIS. PLEASE. SERIOUSLY. SEE THIS IS ME BEING FUNNY. I AM A FUNNY GUY. HONEST. JUST ASK ANYONE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS ME IN REAL LIFE AND/OR INTERACTED ONLINE WITH MORE THAN THREE YEARS [deleted continuing joke here, because the wife was certain it would be taken wrong]

So now in all seriousness. Three points. Everything after this is NOT a joke, and is sincere, and true. I am trying to be CRYSTAL CLEAR in this since so much lately that I have been saying has been taken wrong.

1) I am not a homophobe. In fact, I think it would be real nice if I someday had a boyfriend, and think about such things just slightly less than often. Ofcourse never having had a romantic relationship with a guy, I have no idea how it would turn out, or if I really could swing it. I identify as Het, as that is my only experience, but am not adverse to the idea of transitioning to bi some day.

2) I am sincerely worried about jedi_maceo right now, and fear that he might be having some kind of episode and could use some support or help, or some time on his own to come down from it.

3) I do not see the 'net as an anonymous interaction, and I cannot divorce myself from what is said because "it is only the internet". Everything said is from a real, breathing, feeling person, and it is read by someone in the same condition. I have a genuine emotional reaction to what is said -- I do not see the net as a level of abstraction of fiction. A friend just gave some advice: "just ignore it," but I have to ask, could you ignore a slander yelled to your face in a crowded room? Or how about from a podium? It is hard to ignore.

I have often seen the net as a beautiful thing that has facilitated connection and interaction with people in a way never before possible -- and we are all people on the other side of the screen. I am not text. This text is a product of who I am. It represents me, but is not me. Some may call me over-sensitive, but I do not think I am the only one.

Comments

[wooly-mammoth.livejournal.com]

Um wow he sounds like he is hurting and useing whatever he can to point it at. I havn't bene on your LJ for years or anything but i never ever got the impression you had any homophobe tendincays. I found you to have a funny sence of humor i guess mabbee some could take wrong but i never got the wrong idea of anything.

Hopefully he can see past that and understand, if not then mabbee he neads some space to himself so he won't end up destructive in your life. You have to protect your own emotions enough so you won't end up further depressed. You have to put yourself before other people.

[liplash.livejournal.com]

I have been reading your LJ for a while and I never ever got the impression you had any homophobic tendencies. Actually, to be honest, I felt you probably had homosexual tendencies, but never homophobic ones:)

You know how I know this? Because I have Gaydar (or Bidar as the case may be). That and I interfaced with you via Verso's LJ and she has impeccable and discerning tastes in friends and would never associate with known fuck-wads (except me of course).

So. Yeah. You're no homophobe... you're like a (I assume) sexy screwed up nerd, and believe it or not, that's a a GOOD thing! Peace, yo!

[zenmondo.livejournal.com]

I could just kiss you right now. Thank you.

[letter2me.livejournal.com]

I must be totally missing something because I don't see the comic as homophobic. Okay, maybe it is *potentially,* but it looks like a comic with a continuing story... like For Better Or Worse (one of my favs) and the like.

I in no way see you as being homophobic. You wouldn't be on my friends list if I had that impression of you. I've kicked off more than one nerd-bomber for it. Geez, I've been watching too much Full House to have just referred to someone as a nerd-bomber! LOL!

[zenmondo.livejournal.com]

Thank you, Rich. That is exactly what I need to hear right now. You are right.

Joke 'em all!

[bridgeweaver.livejournal.com]

3) I do not see the 'net as an anonymous interaction, and I cannot divorce myself from what is said because "it is only the internet". Everything said is
from a real, breathing, feeling person, and it is read by someone in the same condition. I have a genuine emotional reaction to what is said -- I do not
see the net as a level of abstraction of fiction. A friend just gave some advice: "just ignore it," but I have to ask, could you ignore a slander yelled
to your face in a crowded room? Or how about from a podium? It is hard to ignore.

Just remember, that the internet is also a stage upon which many people try out personae that aren't related to who they really are, except by longing. I take you at your word that you are as you present yourself, but that is a consensual illusion, since your in person effect is surely different than your textual persona.

And as for dealing with slanders, I grew up doing just that. As the smallest kid in my class, and blind to boot, I was the subject of a lot of ridicule. Sometimes, not rising to the bait is the only way to survive, when you can't beat the snot out of the offenders.

I have often seen the net as a beautiful thing that has facilitated connection and interaction with people in a way never before possible -- and we are
all people on the other side of the screen. I am not text. This text is a product of who I am. It represents me, but is not me. Some may call me over-sensitive,
but I do not think I am the only one.

No, you aren't the only one, but if the net facilitates connections, it doesn't protect one from the full range of connections, from the sublime, (much of my early courtship with erisian_fields was mediated through LJ and Email) to the horrific.

You are forgetting the principles you espouse as an aikido teacher, becoming distracted by atemi, being led into dead ends by your uke's energy, getting stuck, rather than just move, move, move and see what develops.

In the end, these people whom you have never met are of less import than that much smaller but infinitely more precious circle of people who love you. When one of your family calls you a homophobe, that's the time to worry. The rest is electrons on a fiber-optic cable (if you're lucky), so much less important that the angle of buffalogal's smile or the feel of Connor's arms around you. I am reminded of this every time I hold my son, whether he is fussing and puking or he coos and reaches to pet my face. What matters anything else?

[imnotbob.livejournal.com]

So if jedi_maceao did indeed have a crush on me (it is possible given the way he has interacted with me) and I didn't reciprocate does not mean I do not dig guys, it means I do not dig jedi_maceao in a romantic fasion.

Not wanting to date guys does not make one a homophobe.

It sounds to me like jedi_macaeo may have some problem with rejection and is projecting it onto you. His problem, not yours.


Oh yeah, be a Kracka ass kracka" and be proud. :)

[opheliasclone.livejournal.com]

I agree. This guy doth protest too much. It sounds awfully similar to the way some guys will yell epithets when a pretty girl turns down their cheap attempt at a pickup line. Try to remember, as we girls do, that this is the closest thing you'll get to a compliment from the socially lame. If he wasn't disappointed that he's got no shot with you, he wouldn't care enough to cuss.

The fact that the guy has been banned elsewhere already should indicate to you that he had communication issues before you came along. Some people have to blame everyone else because taking the responsibility themselves after a lifetime of misbehavior would just be too overwhelming.

I suspect he will not start a Star Wars community, and for three reasons. First, I'm not convinced such a fair-weather friend would put in the sort of sustained effort that's necessary. Second, he's no doubt aware that he'd be competing against existing communities that other people like just fine. And third, he may be able to guess that he's his own worst advertisement for the community. Why join a community where you're likely to get yelled at?

[alleigh.livejournal.com]

Well um you must be if you don't think he is HOT :-P

sorry but this is the same person who called me a whore for being banned out of starwars for being a jerk.

[zenmondo.livejournal.com]

Yeah, same guy. Wow. You and I should start a club. Should we contact the mods of other Star Wars communities he visits.

Maybe we should start a "Star Wars Community Blacklist" -- only I fear I would find myself on it and have to kick myself out of jedi_knerds.

This has been a wild ride. Wow.

The more I think about it, I think he may think that the thread he responded to in astromech_tech was in jedi_knerds, but the comment there made no sense.

I wanted to go back an look at it... I remember him being offended both at the banning of slash, and the term "slash" itself, but the community has been emptied... or its a temporary glitch. I HOPE glitch.

Thanks for chiming in ... and I am curious: how did you find your way here?

[alleigh.livejournal.com]

I heard about it in Blizzardskies journal. The funny thing is he claims he was only banned in starwars over not agreeing with me but I remember he was just a rude S.O.B.

[zenmondo.livejournal.com]

Ok how did she find out about it? Oh gods, I didn't make it to LJ-Drama did I? I want to be famous, but not for this.

I am a very confuzzled boy.

[alleigh.livejournal.com]

She had been on his friends list and saw his dramarama poor little me posty about this.

exibit c/I am not text

[pippi-az.livejournal.com]

nods, I'm with you, I can't always just let it roll off bc I am real, and people I speak with on line are real too... nod

grumble...pink power rangers...he's gotta be joking...like they are any match for my whirling twirling pippi braids with poking spikes on the end...I may not have taken martial arts but I think my braids have....them there wooden sticks on a chain are nothin next to me braids! ;o) <-- me trying to be funny, you are right the guy has some issues of his own...

[misslynx.livejournal.com]

That's insane. I don't see how anyone who knows you at all could think you were homophobic. Not liking slash fiction doesn't make you homophobic - hell, a lot of gay men don't like it because it's written by straight people!

[elvenforever.livejournal.com]

You are obviously NOT homophobic to anyone who knows you. I read all the comments and it sounds like this guy is just a jerk. Take comfort in the people who love you. I liked that comment best of all!