Taking Sides
Apr. 21st, 2006 02:49 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zenmondoWith my last entry and ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
buffalogal's response to it, I've seen lots of people talking about sides. She was right to say there will always be two sides to every story, but I am not gonna try to guess her side on things here, I can only go with what she has told me. But though our marriage is pretty much over, there is probably less division than you think.
We get along pretty good all things considered. We will always have to be part of each other's lives because of Conor.
But as to our mutual friends "taking sides" I think its completely unnecessary. So please, don't.
Writing that entry was important to me. Somehow writing it down is what makes it real for me. Now that I have admitted it publicaly I can begin to deal with the situation emotionaly.
I guess I would like to address something else that was said in her journal's comments. There seemed to be some impression that my mental illness is not being treated or I was using it as an excuse or whatever. I have lost count of the medications I have been on the past 20 years. Very few of them were truly benficial. I am currently on some very good medication, but it does not negate my illness, just makes it easier to manage. There will be times when it debilitates me. That is just the nature of things. Its not about my will being strong or weak, its just how it is. The day she decided she was done with me was one of those days.
In times past I would have fully surrendured and stayed in bed, but I DID get her to work that day. In fact, I have gotten her to work everyday she has not been sick since, with her being late only a couple of times. Times when I have not been feeling good. Both mentally and physically. I still continue to do so.
What kills me is that no matter how well I do now, there is no hope for redemption. She won't work with me. I was willing to go to therapy and help fix whatever issues she has with me, but I don't know if I could still offer that. Our relationship has been damaged, and I don't know if it can be repaired at this point. I was willing to try months ago, but now, I don't think so, so much.
It saddens me that I won't be celebrating a wedding anniversary next month. I never did forgive her for what she did to me on our last anniversarry. Instead of spending it with me, she spent it online, playing galaxies with her boyfriend.
buffalogal will probably feel vilified again by this. But I need to finally vent. She is right, there have been problems all along. On both sides. My problems contributed to her decision to break up with me, and her problems have given me the anger needed to accept that its over and try to move on. But hey, at least she will be posting again, if nothing else to give her side of things.
buffalogal's response to it, I've seen lots of people talking about sides. She was right to say there will always be two sides to every story, but I am not gonna try to guess her side on things here, I can only go with what she has told me. But though our marriage is pretty much over, there is probably less division than you think.We get along pretty good all things considered. We will always have to be part of each other's lives because of Conor.
But as to our mutual friends "taking sides" I think its completely unnecessary. So please, don't.
Writing that entry was important to me. Somehow writing it down is what makes it real for me. Now that I have admitted it publicaly I can begin to deal with the situation emotionaly.
I guess I would like to address something else that was said in her journal's comments. There seemed to be some impression that my mental illness is not being treated or I was using it as an excuse or whatever. I have lost count of the medications I have been on the past 20 years. Very few of them were truly benficial. I am currently on some very good medication, but it does not negate my illness, just makes it easier to manage. There will be times when it debilitates me. That is just the nature of things. Its not about my will being strong or weak, its just how it is. The day she decided she was done with me was one of those days.
In times past I would have fully surrendured and stayed in bed, but I DID get her to work that day. In fact, I have gotten her to work everyday she has not been sick since, with her being late only a couple of times. Times when I have not been feeling good. Both mentally and physically. I still continue to do so.
What kills me is that no matter how well I do now, there is no hope for redemption. She won't work with me. I was willing to go to therapy and help fix whatever issues she has with me, but I don't know if I could still offer that. Our relationship has been damaged, and I don't know if it can be repaired at this point. I was willing to try months ago, but now, I don't think so, so much.
It saddens me that I won't be celebrating a wedding anniversary next month. I never did forgive her for what she did to me on our last anniversarry. Instead of spending it with me, she spent it online, playing galaxies with her boyfriend.
buffalogal will probably feel vilified again by this. But I need to finally vent. She is right, there have been problems all along. On both sides. My problems contributed to her decision to break up with me, and her problems have given me the anger needed to accept that its over and try to move on. But hey, at least she will be posting again, if nothing else to give her side of things.
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no subject
Date: 2006-04-21 10:19 pm (UTC)These things are never easy. The best advice I can give is to stay centered as you can, and don't burn bridges. It's good that you are both getting along decently now. Things will probably get more difficult for a while, then thankfully, if you both want it, it can at least become something workable in the future. It took me a while to not be angry at my ex, and she at me, but I think we have finally gotten there, even if we still occasionally get one each others nerves.
Now is a great time to keep a private paper journal if you are not already. That and get back to the dojo, you will want and need that physical expression, and the centering it offers.
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 12:00 am (UTC)I'm really sorry this is happeneing. I don't know what else to say besides that other than I'm not taking sides or anything and that I feel for the both of you, and Conor too.
*HUGS*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 01:53 am (UTC)*Hugs*
no subject
Date: 2006-04-22 06:09 am (UTC)~hugs~
~hugs~