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Disturbing Posters
Jan. 20th, 2006 09:08 pmYesterday, ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
buffalogal had her appointment with her Gastrointerologist. I had to drop her off, then take Conor to school, then return. She wanted me in the room with her. So when I got back, a nurse took me to the room where my wife was waiting.
The room had these posters. One was about the liver, another about the digestive system, and another about diseases of the digestive system. I found them all to be very disturbing. Especially the one with the diseases. This poster had every thing that could go wrong with your guts illustrated.
Seeing these representations of what is inside of us, made me feel very fragile. I mean if one little thing goes wrong with anything I could get very sick. Or die. And here was my wife, very sick. I could see her disease on the poster, illustrated in full color.
I don't want to think about all the myriad and intricate systems that make up my body. Sometimes I don't want to think about my body at all. I am more comfortable just existing as emotion and intellect. I remember looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself. My physical form is not who I am, I am the immaterial stuff that has no form. A Luminous being am I, not crude matter.
But the fact is, I am crude matter too. It was something I came to terms with during my Aikido training. Integrating my body into my the image of who I am. Maybe being away from my training has caused this schism within me to remanifest. I had a good time training at the local dojo, but I just can't immerse myself there. I miss my home dojo in California.
buffalogal had her appointment with her Gastrointerologist. I had to drop her off, then take Conor to school, then return. She wanted me in the room with her. So when I got back, a nurse took me to the room where my wife was waiting.The room had these posters. One was about the liver, another about the digestive system, and another about diseases of the digestive system. I found them all to be very disturbing. Especially the one with the diseases. This poster had every thing that could go wrong with your guts illustrated.
Seeing these representations of what is inside of us, made me feel very fragile. I mean if one little thing goes wrong with anything I could get very sick. Or die. And here was my wife, very sick. I could see her disease on the poster, illustrated in full color.
I don't want to think about all the myriad and intricate systems that make up my body. Sometimes I don't want to think about my body at all. I am more comfortable just existing as emotion and intellect. I remember looking in the mirror and not recognizing myself. My physical form is not who I am, I am the immaterial stuff that has no form. A Luminous being am I, not crude matter.
But the fact is, I am crude matter too. It was something I came to terms with during my Aikido training. Integrating my body into my the image of who I am. Maybe being away from my training has caused this schism within me to remanifest. I had a good time training at the local dojo, but I just can't immerse myself there. I miss my home dojo in California.
