I'm crazy (no I'm not) YES I AM!

[zenmondo]

There is a popular belief that if one is capable of wondering if they are crazy or not, that it is a sure sign that they are NOT crazy, for having the facility to doubt one's sanity shows that one is not insane, as a crazy person would think themselves to be completely normal.

It is a comforting thought, except for one thing: IT IS TOTAL AND UTTER BULLSHIT.

I AM crazy and I know it.

I am having a not-so-good day in the mental-health department. I hallucinated while driving today.

There was a cheetah in the bed of the pick-up in front of me. The small rational part of my mind said, "that is not a cheetah. Go away, go away, go away." Yet, the hallucination persisted, this beautiful creature staring back at me with its yellow eyes, gaze steady. "That is not a cheetah, that is not a cheetah, that is not a cheetah."

The cheetah persisted for a few minutes, and finally, stopping at a light, the cheetah finally decided to become a pile of manure -- and even then, things did not seem quite real.

I am all out of sorts, and I am not trusting my perceptions right now. The world seems slightly sideways at the moment. Like everything is at a 20-degree tilt, and reality is out of phase with gravity.

I feel like I am percieving and interacting with the world through some kind of psychic fog, slighty apart from it all, but still affected.

Its kind of like being drunk, or dizzy, only slower.

This is more than a mood-swing, this is something else.

I think I am having a small psychotic episode, and I think I just need to hide in bed for a while, and hope it gets better before worse.


I better not read anymore of my friends page, until I can be sure what you guys are actually saying. I don't trust the words to stand still at this point.

I go away now.

Update: This is buffalogal. I am in the process of getting him help. Hopefully tomorrow he will be able to see someone.

Comments

[sweetmegumi.livejournal.com]

Oh sweetie that's not good. Are you still off your medication? You have to get help with this. I know I'm far away but I worry and want to do something help.

[darkphoenixrisn.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[kendokamel.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Hope things go better for the rest of the day!

[blue-sky-lark.livejournal.com]

hang in there (cliché, i know...at least i didn't find the picture with the little kitten dangling from a tree limb. i could find it if you wanted me to^.^)!

[artmomz.livejournal.com]

*many hugs*

[lunza.livejournal.com]

Wow. Hope things get better. *hugs to you both*

[allisburning.livejournal.com]

My best wishes to you both.

Be concerned, yes, but don't be more concerned than the situation warrants. This kind of thing is not rare and can usually be dealt with OK.

[the-confessor.livejournal.com]

When all else fails, breathe.

[angharad.livejournal.com]

Wow.
Um, good luck, and we'll see you on the flip side.

ps: I didn't think your particular brand of crazy included so much sensory shininess. Interesting.

[bridgeweaver.livejournal.com]

Holy smokes! Here's hoping you find out what's going on soon and find an appropriate way of dealing with it.

[misslynx.livejournal.com]

Well, at least it was an interesting hallucination. If you saw a pile of tax forms or something, I'd really be worried.

Um, OK, I probably really shouldn't be making light of this. But sometimes that's the way I deal with things.

I hope things work out for you, in terms of getting help. I know this kind of thing can be really scary.

[chungjik.livejournal.com]

My thoughts are with you 2. *hugs* if you want them.

[elvenforever.livejournal.com]

Dear Tadhg:

I have hallucinated. My friends have hallucinated. It's no fun and quite scary. But it IS a part of bipolar disorder. One of my friends saw an SUV drive right into her car. She also hallucinated a whole person at a restaurant we were at. Welcome to psychosis. Your doctor can help you with it.

~BIG HUGS~

[opheliasclone.livejournal.com]

It's heartening that even though you saw the cheetah, you disbelieved what you saw. You can't control the hallucinations, but you can control how you react to them. Sounds to me like you did a great job of holding down the fort.

Here's hoping help will be speedy and effective for you.

[minteckers.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I left a note in buffalogal's journal with something that helped me a ton, I hope it might be able to help you some.

I hallucinate ghosts, or maybe they are ghosts? Maybe those little black or gray mists that dart across the road when I am walking are the ghosts of cats and dogs long sinced squashed? Maybe I have psychic powers and can see dead people that suddenly vanish into thin air. Maybe...or maybe I'm just crazy.

either way, the book I mentioned in her journal has helped me so much I no longer see a psych, take medication, or slash myself to pieces.

please read

[pippi-az.livejournal.com]

Zen, you will get through this...

Ground, center however you do it best get in contact with the Earth... do martial arts tai chi whatever you can to circulate the energy...when energy gets pent up things like this can happen etc.

*hang in there* HUGS

[hyperblaster.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

At least you are still in control of the situtation, and that's what counts!

[nectarfizz.livejournal.com]

OMG I am soo hoping everything is ok. I am praying hard for you love.